Family Breakdown | Part 2

Lack of Attention

"Why won't you just listen to me?" How many times have my wife and I said that to our kids. Well, I'm going to try to answer my own question here. "Jesse and Nelli, It's because you don't pay enough attention."

Paying Attention

One aspect of paying attention that has serious long-term effects on our family is that of the everyday discourse with our children. Our kids have lots of questions. Of course they do; we make them ask for permission to do almost everything, so what more could we expect than a constant inflow of questions. When we ignore these attempted discourses, we damage our relationship with our children. I know how hard it is to focus and break away from our own thoughts and redirect them toward our children, but it is so important. If we pay attention to them, they will pay attention to us.

The other aspect of paying attention that requires our diligence is in regard to discipline. Kids who don't have discipline turn out to be brats. The same psychologists who once threw upon us the ideas of letting our kids make their own decisions and be absent of discipline are now recognizing that America has raised a generation of brats who will have a very hard time adjusting to a disciplined workplace.

Perhaps the most important aspect of discipline is giving our attention. The other day my wife and I were looking at photos on the laptop. Our daughter had done something wrong so we told her to sit in my big chair for a while. As soon as we looked back at the laptop she subtly squirmed off the chair and toward another room. We were busy and absorbed; so it would be hard for us to get up and correct her. What we don't think of sometimes, is how much harder it would be if we did not go get her. Every time we tell a child to clean up the room and then just walk away, we are not giving the attention that we must give to create a respectful environment in our family. Every instruction we give must be followed up on. In the short-term, it will be a pain for a few days; but in the long-term, it will equal peace in the home.

An important tip to consider: Every time you tell your child to do something, maintain eye contact throughout the initial execution of the assignment. That practice alone will do wonders. I'm trying it.

~Jesse